Feeding my soul with cabbage

Sometimes in the business of living, our souls cry out to our unconscious in ways that don't make sense until later.  Life has been overwhelming lately because we are going through another one of those years of big events.  The events don't always have to be negative, but they are always stressful.  Even when we are in the middle of an activity designed to relieve stress, getting there was no picnic.
I grew up disconnected physically from family and as an adult it has cemented in me the greatest of desires to be around my family however and whenever I can.  Moving to Utah, while difficult in so many ways, opened up for me an emotionally gratifying life that I have yet to know in my 38 years.  I get to live near family that I was only able to visit on rare occasions in the past.  I lack the literary maturity and skill to adequately convey how much it feeds my soul to live within minutes rather than hours or even days of my family.
I called my Aunt Janet last week and asked if I could come and visit her today and being the lovely person she is she said of course!  I have the wonderful privilege of being related to some truly extraordinary women and Janet is no exception.  I could talk to her for hours, and do, and she obliges me.
I love going to Jerry and Janet's because their garden is so magnificent and I always learn something.  I never leave empty handed from their generosity and I come home ready to create something new with my bounty of produce.  They are all about creation and creativity and I think that is why I identify so well with them.  Ada and Bert taught all of us wonderful lessons in life, but to Jerry, they gave the joy of gardening and I appreciate Janet's patience with it and his willingness and enthusiasm about it. 
It took this visit for me to realize the reason for the cloud that has been hanging over me for sometime.  I wasn't sure why I needed to go, I just knew it would be good for me.  I discovered I miss my Grandma Ada terribly.  Alan and I spent so much of our lives together talking about ways we could move to Cedar City to be closer to her.  I feel like I have finally gotten my wish to be closer and it is too late.  I had so much I wanted to talk to her about.  So much I wanted to learn from her.  I feel jipped in a way for coming to her part of the world so much later in life, hers and mine, only to have her gone now.  Visiting with Janet helped me recognize how much I rely on the women in my life to feed my soul.  It is a hard thing to explain or even know how to explain to the men in our lives.  Women need each other and need to be around each other to appreciate the people we live with more.  There is something that connects us in our common experience as wives and mothers that helps to keep us all sane.  We fill each other's souls up, so we can all get out there and face whatever comes our way.
Jerry's cabbage were extraordinary in every way this year.  They are massive and there are lots of them.  As a result, they are making sauerkraut at their house and lots of it.  I was gifted three large heads and immediately started cleaning and cutting them up when I arrived back at my house.  I was standing over the kitchen sink crying and washing when it hit me how much I needed today.  I needed to talk, to eat, to cry, to laugh and to be replenished.  Thank you Janet for refilling my bucket.  And thank you for honoring the memory and life of Ada.  I may not have her here to talk to and learn from, but all those she loved and nurtured and taught in her life are here and available and ready to continue her legacy of love and devotion to family.  And I can talk to them whenever I want to.